December: Who We Lost and What I Found

February 6, 2014

IMG_0144When I was looking for a picture I realized we never posted our pictures of Erica’s wedding!  It boggles my mind but I’ve scoured this blog and our picasa and I think it went undone.  I was too playing catch up and then became very pregnant and went MIA.  So click that picture and enjoy!

In December we lost Josh and thinking back on it, I don’t want to talk about what happened and I don’t know what I’d even say…needless to say, we were not alright.

Apart from the fact that he’s our brother/uncle and we love him, I selfishly mourn for my boys because he gave them some things that I cannot which is first, an energetic playmate! and second, an incredible example of what Priesthood and service are all about.  I would thank my lucky stars if some of his goodness rubbed off on these kiddies of mine!

I spent a lot of time over the holiday season, I guess you could call it meditating.  I was searching for peace in these trying times.  I listened to Candlelight Carol a lot while picturing the nativity:

“Candlelight, Angel light, fire light and star glow shine on his cradle til breaking of dawn”  It’s such beautiful imagery.  I’d picture a crisp night, dark blue, shining stars, and all the miracles and just…life…that surrounded the birth of the Savior.  I pondered on the scripture, “unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given” and thought about all the meaning it held for our family this year, on the one hand because we were leaning so much on the Savior and all He means to us now and forever, and on the other hand because of our tiny nephew, Logan, who was given to us, to bless Erica and all our family in this time.

And this is what I can say happened to my Christmas this year: was it festive?  Not really.   Cheerful? Joyful?  Not a lot.  Full of parties and fun times?  Nope, not really.  But it was full of Peace.  The Prince of Peace touched my life this holiday season and made Christmas extra special because I felt the true meaning of this holiday very powerfully in my life this year and the Spirit spoke peace to my soul.  And that’s what I found in the midst of all we lost.



  1. I feel the very same about our Christmas season. Thank you for writing about this!! Oh I miss Josh every day.

  2. Well written, Tiff. I remember Josh fondly from being together at Natalie’s BD party; and I still have tears over his passing.
    I am so very thankful for the faith that gives us peace!
    Love to all…………..

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